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Communication, Development

How can I make the most of my manager’s feedback?

November 5, 2018 by Brian Goodman 1 Comment
The Feedback Gap
READING TIME: 5 MIN

Q: How can I make the most of my manager's feedback?

“I recently had a performance review with my manager and it didn’t feel particularly useful. I could tell he received some feedback and was just repeating it. I argued my points and yeah now what?! I get that I own 50% of the communication problem, so what should I be doing to better receive feedback?”

A:

People fear judgement

Somewhere the information you need to do better is hiding
People are scared of feedback, because of their relationship with judgement. No one likes being judged. Oddly enough we are more willing to judge ourselves, and often harshly. We dislike the rejection feedback typically takes. Sure, not all feedback is negative, but we all have things to work on, so somewhere the information you need to do better is hiding.

Forget what you may have been told

This is why we are told to lace feedback with positive observations. The hope is that some how people won’t feel as bad with the real feedback, because it isn’t all bad news. These old school techniques help deliver the message, and the problem remains. The person hearing the feedback is not open to receiving, because it feels disingenuous.

Seeking out feedback

Poorly delivered feedback has zero staying power.
More experienced and expert individuals tend to have the courage to seek out and receive feedback. Unfortunately, most people are not effective at delivering constructive feedback. Whether it be content or delivery, not being able to deliver meaningful feedback is fatal for a leader. The cynical employee can easily push off all criticism because they know challenging conversations are hard, that they have evidence to contradict and rationalize. Poorly delivered feedback has zero staying power

Getting better at receiving feedback

So, how do we get better at receiving feedback?

  • People do not provide feedback enough. Feedback should happen so often that no one is ever surprised finding out too late. Receiving feedback gets better as you learn how to thoughtfully give it.
  • When we provide feedback, we don’t spend the time to consider the individual’s a) response b) context c) next steps. There is a level of empathy needed to consider not just the message, but how the content will be and should be received.

If someone feels the need to provide feedback, take the opportunity to process it. We can always decide to discard it later, but if we don’t hear it and process it, we won’t know if there is something there to work on.

Three steps to better reception

  1. Listen. We are all too quick to respond with the reasons why we care the way we are. As if we may lose the opportunity to defend ourselves. So, listen to what is being said to effectively make sense of the feedback.
  2. Process. Active listening means you need to be able to repeat what you heard in your own words, to verify and communicate your understanding. Ask yourself: What is being said? Can you repeat back in your own words what was said? Are there specific examples that can help you synthesize a pattern of understanding the content and the impact it is having?
  3. Evaluate. No one expects change to happen upon awareness. At least not unless it’s a severe issue needing immediate change, such as in the cases of violations of code of conduct, safety or law. Assuming we are working with typical feedback, the kind intended to make us better, it needs to be sorted and evaluated.

    First, is it true? If it is true, then what needs to change to address the feedback? Behavior, skill or experience. A plan of action is required to make any meaningful change.

Example Feedback

Sometimes you make people feel stupid in the way you speak, look and write. Even if you are right about something, or if they are not as capable, you need to find a way to manage yourself in a way to be less destructive of others.

Example Action

For every meeting, begin by writing a simple intention at the top of your notes.

People remember how you make them feel. Meet everyone with compassion and kindness.

For some this may read too “out there,” but honestly, intention matters. Consistently set the kind of intention you want and you will change the behavior.

Next steps: Actions that change everything

 

2 Steps to Receiving Feedback Better

  1. Seek out feedback from others.
  2. Listen, process and evaluate in that order.

6 Steps to Providing Feedback

  1. Consider feedback that needs to be delivered.
  2. Capture notes focus on the facts, a timely example and the impact.
  3. Understand the individual’s context.
  4. Create a safe environment for providing the feedback.
  5. Ask to provide feedback when you have it.
  6. Deliver the feedback focusing on the notes you created vs. off-the-cuff.

If you are a manager, be sure to check out the related post:

Thoughtful feedback is an important part of employee reviews

How do I make the most of employee reviews?

Three tools for all leaders

READ
Judgment Detox: Release the Beliefs That Hold You Back from Living A Better Life

by Gabrielle Bernstein
READ
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

by Stephen R. Covey
READ
Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

by Mark Goulston

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Communication, Managing People

How do I deliver difficult messages without compromising my integrity?

October 29, 2018 by Brian Goodman No Comments
Which mask are you wearing?
READING TIME: 8 MIN

Q: How do I deliver difficult messages without compromising my integrity?

A:

Only you can compromise your integrity.
At the root of this question is the fear that you have been placed in a situation where compromising your integrity is a possibility. We often fill in the spaces between the words and create emotionally charged encounters. Only you can compromise your integrity, so let’s look at how we can navigate this opportunity.

First, you can learn to lie and stop trying to be so honest about everything. There is more than enough evidence that can fuel a cynical perspective, so if you choose this, then there really won’t be an issue. You will develop the skill of lying and stop holding yourself to a consistent level of honesty. You will simply reinterpret what a lie means and wrestle with if it even matters. It is a slippery slope and often extremely hard to come back from.

Assuming lying isn’t what you believe in (we certainly don’t) then there is the second choice, which unpacks this question further.

Approaching challenging communication

Communication is at the core of influence.
Communication is at the core of influence. While we don’t know which kinds of messages you are referring to, ones that cause internal pause typically need to be handled more thoughtfully. Integrity is all about having a consistent and strong alignment what is honest and right. Moreover, it is a personal measure, so not everyone will experience situations the same way.

Let’s consider distinct kinds of messages where this integrity conflict could arise.

  • Delivering messages that are intended to persuade without complete transparency

    Examples: Data suggests something, but the data is insufficient; Salesmanship in a deal; Marketing propaganda

  • Delivering Company news to a subordinate that does not align with personal beliefs

    Examples: Changes to HR policy or pay adjustments that have a public message different than the private message; Why a high performing employee might not get a raise despite evidence suggesting they should

Messages of Questionable Quality

We have all been in this situation. There is an important topic being reviewed by leadership. Everyone knows the desirable outcomes. As information is pulled together to consider strategy and decisions the content moves from research (what is known) to editorial (what is believed) to slight-of-hand (in support of the editorial message).

The importance of committees
If you ever wondered why committees are important, its for this kind of challenge. The best committees have wickedly smart people in attendance and they can quickly parse through each of these aspects. What is harder is when they introduce their own editorial thinking and quickly reshape a narrative, not better than the first.

It is hard to make a plug for committees given how many ineffective ones there seem to be. Nonetheless they offer some utility to check and balance the group think.

Research in academia

In academia, research is coveted. At the foundation of everything is the set of facts we gather. Conclusions are traceable back to facts. Individuals may offer opinion, but it is always explicitly positioned as such. There is always more work to be done.

Research in business

In business, research is far more imprecise.

First, there is the general fact that most people never took a statistics class and so sample size, confidence or the notion of statistical significance is poorly understood and completely misused. Math terminology is thrown around all the time with almost no link to reality. It is completely terrifying.

Second, the kind of research businesses need to do is highly imprecise due to the nature of the questions and the context. For example, a new product can be tested and poorly received by existing customers and still be a success in the marketplace. It is possible to do research and still be wrong.

Third, the time frames that the research needs to be assembled in is often insufficient when compared to academic equivalents. Business is all about dealing with a high degree of uncertainty and imperfection all the while making the best decisions possible.

The more significant difference when comparing business and academia is that in business everyone is a marketer. Daniel Pink shows us in To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, that everyone is selling something. Because of this, the facts are there to support a perspective and the more egregious the interpretation the more challenge there may be to one’s integrity.

Business leaders understand how imperfect and muddy information is, and yet they need to know the best information available to be effective.
At the root of messages of questionable quality is the idea that the full truth is not present. Otherwise, there would be no compromise to integrity. Business leaders understand how imperfect and muddy information is, and yet they need to know the best information available to be effective. Therein is the answer to this first issue. Always present the position linked to the facts and follow it up with the risks (areas of weakness) and potential mitigations (future work). If someone else wants to lie that is a different problem than your feeling like you are misguiding. In this way, you stay consistent. The confidence in positioning your ideas is bolstered and when asked about the risks, your honest assessment will be respected.

Need to know messages

You lead a team of high performing individuals. As their manager, you would give them all top marks and all the recognition you could. As an expression of the Company, you are given specific operating parameters and are only able to supply so many top marks. This year only the absolute best get bonuses. You have a few challenging conversations ahead with your best talent being marked less than, knowing that it will also affect their bank account. The business offers some guidance to help manage these conversations, and once the real talking begins those lines get thrown out quickly as the things you have to say in lieu of having something real to share.

This kind of issue happens all the time for people in leadership positions. You often have a much broader view and deeper insight into what is happening, and employees are in the dark. The “need to know” is at play.

The HR guidance was to first recognize the contributions of the employee. Then present the bonus plan the business is executing this term to both describe and set expectations. Review their performance and present what differentiates their contribution from another’s and finally deliver the performance rating.

Delivering the Company message

The first challenge is in delivering the Company message. The language might sound too corporate and inauthentic. Especially given younger members of the workforce, this language along may cause great distrust. You have to know which parts of the message are there for legal reasons and which are yours to modify. Then adjust the message so that it makes sense to you. Preferably in simple language so there are fewer words to fumble and less ambiguity. This will allow for natural and deliberate delivery. Any questions employees have will be questions you yourself asked in working through the updated message. Calling out the legal portions if they appear out of place is an effective way of acknowledging them without minimizing their importance.

Delivering the employee review

The second challenge exists in crafting the employee review since it is the basis (fact) you will use to rationalize the performance mark. So, this must be where you find honesty. If this rings hollow to the employee, you are finished. You could botch the Company message and pass it off as you just being the messenger, but the employee review lives with you. Furthermore, it should be solid so that any question to the evaluation is presentable and that other people would come to similar conclusions. Everyone has things to work on, even the best among us. If you need to justify why an employee isn’t getting the mark, bonus or award, anchor to something true.

Tight consistent honesty is integrity.

Avoiding escalation
Let’s be clear, HR and up-line management will defer to the manager, so while an employee might look for support with those avenues the manager’s consideration is what wins. You are the closest person to the employee.

If your workplace also has a second opinion type of process, where an employee can contest the evaluation, you want your work to be presented with the same evidence you used to present it to the employee.

Don’t get caught lying among fellow leaders and human resources as this impacts and undermines you, the Team and the Company in immeasurable ways.

Next steps: Actions that change everything

  1. Don’t hide the weaknesses of the message, instead call out challenges and propose approaches to addressing them.

  2. When being the Company, you must find the angle that resonates with you as an employee and communicate that faithfully.

  3. When representing “need to know” messages, where you know more than the people you are presenting to, you must find factual, objective ways to present the information that demonstrate your own involvement in making sense of the message. It is in this effort that the delivery becomes authentic.

My guess is each situation may require some consideration and hopefully these examples are a good start. What other examples have you encountered?

Three tools for all leaders

READ
To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others

by Daniel H. Pink
READ
The Honest Truth About Dishonesty: How We Lie to Everyone–Especially Ourselves

by Dr. Dan Ariely

READ

Harvard
Business
Review

How to Tell Your Team That Organizational Change Is Coming


by Liz Kislik

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Basics, Communication

How do I get better at delegating effectively?

October 9, 2018 by Brian Goodman No Comments
Climbing up the stairs together through delegation
READING TIME: 4 MIN

Q: How do I get better at delegating effectively?

A:

Delegation is about developing trust within an organization so that the responsibilities and commitments of the team are shared.
Delegation is about developing trust within an organization so that the responsibilities and commitments of the team are shared. Most people think of delegation as task dispatching, almost like a project manager might do with a list of activities on a project plan. While this is a form of delegation, it introduces overhead and as a result is incredibly slow. On the other side of the spectrum the ultimate delegation outcome is stewardship wherein complete trust is committed to an individual or team—responsibility, design, planning and decision-making power are driven as low in the organization as possible creating autonomy. In a stewardship, the up-line leader is at the service of the delegate. If you are familiar with Stephen Covey you will see his influence here.

Five ingredients to successfully delegate

 

1. Clarity of purpose

Get clear and then help someone else stay clear.
Knowing the objective or result creates clarity of purpose for someone taking on additional responsibility. Even if that clarity means there is no clarity, there should be no ambiguity for what the desired result should be. Get clear and then help someone else stay clear.

2. Collaborate as equals and let the delegate lead

Once there is clarity of purpose engage the delegate in designing the approach and establishing the plan. Sharing this responsibility builds confidence in the delegate and establishes ownership. Allowing the delegate to lead the collaboration results in an execution plan they are committing first to themselves and then to you.

3. Calibrate current level of trust

Calibration creates comfort.
Just because the ideal is stewardship doesn’t mean the trust exists to comfortably begin there. As a leader, you need to assess how individuals work, establishing a baseline. Calibration creates comfort.

How to calibrate

Delegate a desired outcome and witness their response. If they are asking for very specific execution orders they are likely use to micromanagement. If they engage you with clarifying questions, can verbally structure next steps and checkpoint to ensure alignment, then you have someone that will quickly become a steward. 

Calibrating is important since people need the opportunity to grow without feeling inadequate. Once you have delegated the objective you must let it play out even if it results in missed expectations.

Managing expectations

To manage the impact of missing expectations, start off small and short. Try an create proof points that allow both you and the delegate to assess the efficacy. It is so much easier to explain the issues when the delegate sees them for themselves.

Remember, delegation is about creating trust within an organization, so assess your decisions based on that objective.

4. Create stewards

Your goal is to create as many steward relationships as possible. This takes time even with senior or high-performance teams. Part of what can make this slow is the speed at which new relationships develop. If you are new to the team then you may be introducing significant culture change if prior leadership operated differently. Allow for people to adjust to a different way of doing and demonstrate good will by not prejudging or hording work.

be replaceable and nothing but good can come of it
Often, leaders find themselves feeling possessive of specific work. Set the objective to be replaceable and nothing but good can come of it. If your only value was a specific piece of work then you have a different problem.

5. Coach for the highest quality communication

Delegation requires a variety of checkpoints from frequent (micromanaged) to regular and scheduled (stewardship). Many organizations are dysfunctional when it comes to communicating. This appears in part to be because people are simply repeating what has always been done instead of understanding what is most useful and tailoring to that objective. Yet other organizations are “wild wild west” allowing for anything and everything to pass for communication.

Taking pride in the quality of work is contagious and creates unmatched loyalty, conviction and clarity.
Your way does not need to be the only way. If your organization is not yet delivering a consistent quality of work product, take pride in and coach a better iteration. If anyone diminishes the work product as “busy work,” then they do not fully understand and respect the energy required to effectively communicate. Taking pride in the quality of work is contagious and creates unmatched loyalty, conviction and clarity. By coaching what great work looks like, everyone level-ups their communication.

Next steps: Actions that change everything

  • Get hardcore on clarity. Leaders that are able to effectively capture clarity in purpose, strategy and plan are the only ones that get things that matter done. When faced with ambiguity, either push for clarity, or create it.

  • Identify someone that could be your next steward and practice. Not sure who this might be? Begin by calibrating.
  • Critically review what your current work products say about you, your team and the work you do. Ask a colleague for constructive feedback. Not sure who you ask? Pick the person most critical of the work, people or company. This is an uncomfortable activity, the last thing you want is to ask for feedback from fans that are eager to applaud.

Three tools for all leaders

READ

Developing the Leaders Around You
by John C. Maxwell

READ

To Be a Great Leader, You Have to Learn How to Delegate Well
by Jesse Sostrin

READ

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
by Stephen R. Covey

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Share:
Basics, Communication

What does it mean to speak truth to power?

September 24, 2018 by Brian Goodman No Comments
Geisha hiding behind her fan
READING TIME: 4 MIN

Q: What does it mean to "speak truth to power"?

A:

We have all been there. The senior leader is receiving an update on a key initiative. The language on the slides presents all the great progress the team has made. It highlights the people involved and how herculean their effort has been. There is even one slide highlighting the current issues and risks. The meeting is over, and the management team gets away with murder—the project is extremely fragile because those risks are reality and mitigation is a gamble.

Great executives know a geisha dance when they see one. The problem is that senior leaders are busy and must trust that the leaders below them are acting in their interest. That if there were a problem, instead of hiding it, their people would address it or ask for help.

Side note
Large companies have made it an art to shrink a proper update down to a single slide overview in an argument to minimize work and increase efficiency; all the while, missing the points that inspire questions.

Why do people hide the truth?

Fear. People are worried that failure is unacceptable. Depending on the Company’s culture and more importantly the climate created by the local leadership team, the consequences may be harsh. Failure often means the Company is impacted and if the Company is impacted then the organization’s bonus pool is impacted, which means the leaders and the team are taking home less money. Moreover, if you are someone that is always around trouble, you make a great candidate to dismiss. The stakes are high and because of that, corporate types learn how to effectively message the good, bad and ugly. They are almost never lying. Instead, the facts are editorialized for effective consumption.

Speaking truth to power

The ancient Greeks had a figure of speech, parrhesia, which means “to speak candidly or to ask forgiveness for so speaking”.

Parrhesia is a figure of speech described as  “to speak candidly or to ask forgiveness for so speaking”Wikipedia

When we hear advice like, “don’t be afraid to speak truth to power” we learn that there can be grave consequences. Consider Martin Luther King Jr., who is by all accounts one of the most formative and eloquent truth speakers in the civil rights movement, leading massive culture change for the good of all people and he died for it. Speaking truth to power takes courage, conviction and it saves companies and changes lives every day (#MeToo movement).

Leaders speak truth to power

If there is a measure of character, it can be found in a leader’s attraction or avoidance in speaking truth to power.
If there is a measure of character, it can be found in a leader’s attraction or avoidance in speaking truth to power. Remember, leaders tend to have a strong grasp on communication, they are well versed in positioning and pivoting. The challenge isn’t typically elegance of delivery. Instead, it is being able to act in alignment with their constitution in the face of fear.

Sh*t happens… The question is, what are you going to do about it?
Great leaders know that it is not failure that is a problem, it is how people react and what they do about it that matters. As my grandfather once told me as I damaged my first car, “sh*t happens.” Everyone knows it. The question is, what are you going to do about it? If you don’t tell anyone, the problem sites squarely with you.

Next steps: Actions that change everything

  1. Speak up the next time you disagree with your leadership team. This doesn’t mean be argumentative (something newer insecure leaders do). Instead, consider your leadership team’s point of view and present an alternative that addresses the concerns from your perspective. At the very least, you will begin to create a relationship with them they can count on.
  2. Witness your peers speaking truth to power and support them. Remember, the act of speaking a truth despite the fear of potential ramifications is hard. When you witness your peer, you do not have to agree, but you need to support what they are trying to do. This establishes a safe context from which real conversations can happen. You never know, witnessing alone may have you consider an alternative point of view.

Three tools for all leaders

WATCH

Speaking Truth To Power at MIT (2018)
by Dr. Cornel West

READ

Presentation Zen Design: Simple Design Principles and Techniques to Enhance Your Presentations
by Garr Reynolds

READ

The Secret Handshake: Mastering the Politics of the Business Inner Circle
by Kathleen Reardon

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